Success, or happiness, or both?

Singaporeans have always been classified as lifeless workaholics who apparently do not know the true meaning of happiness because they are too busy in their vain pursuits of money and success.

Our parents taught us, articles tell us, professionals write about it, forums discuss it. We all know the drill. Happiness is being content with what you have now, not when you're 1 million dollars richer. Not when you're retired with a vacation home by the sea. Not when you've travelled around the world. Self help books tell us that real happiness cannot be bought with money, and that true peace comes from the heart, not bought with material things. Self help books tell us that money can't buy happiness and that is why we tend to think that those who work 12 hours a day must naturally be lifeless, unhappy workaholic who don't know the true meaning of happiness because all they do is blindly pursue more and more, believing that success and riches brings more happiness. 

Yes, it's true that being successful and rich doesn't mean being happy. Some say "I'll be happy when I have one million dollars in assets" or some say "I'll be happy when I retire with xxx amount of money at xxx age". We all have read enough "happiness articles" and self help books to know that's bullshit. You're happy now, not when you've achieved that managerial position. You're happy now, not when your monthly salary is above your peers. You're happy now, not when you've saved enough to retire for the rest of your life. 

You're happy now, not later.

On the other hand, does that mean we cannot pursue success and wealth? 

I love my job and I work hard at it. Most of the time I work late, usually up to 10-12 hours a day. Because of that, people say I am a workaholic and automatically assume I'm shallow and unhappy. Just because I aspire to be successful and rich, people assume that I let my happiness depend on it.

Yes, I want to be successful and rich. But I have not made it the main cause of my happiness. I don't tell myself "If only I were a millionaire, I would be happy". Instead, I tell myself "I am happy now. Success and money would be an added bonus to provide a better quality of life for myself, but it will not be the cause of my happiness. My happiness comes from being content with what I am and what I have right now." 

Here's a new perspective: Being happy right now doesn't stop you from wanting more. Being happy right now means you are already content with the resources you have, and to be able to use these resources to pursue a higher quality of life. Know that in your pursuit for material things, your level of success does not determine your level of happiness. Your success only complements your happiness, and happiness breeds success. 

Resilience, perseverance, intelligence, and hunger for success. That is how I always get what I want and where I want to be. Being content for what I am right now, not for the material things I have nor for the pursuit of more. That is how I am living a happy life. 

Instant Gratification VS Long Term Rewards

Working as a recruiter, I come across different profiles everyday. Some are better than others.Why are some people more successful than others? Why do some earn more and some less?

Instant gratification means eating that tub of ice cream even though you know you're on a diet. It means quitting your piano lessons even though you wished you could learn to play all your favorite classical pieces on the piano. It means staying at home and watching TV instead of going to the gym. It means giving up the job when obstacles appear, even though you knew that if you held on, you would one day be rich. 

When you refrain from eating your favorite dessert, when you go to bed early even though you're tempted to stay up late for one more movie, when you continue practicing even though you're frustrated because you know practice makes perfect, when you choose to go for the run even though the couch and TV looks tempting, when you choose to stay on the job even when it is difficult and challenging, does it seem like you're making a conscious choice to be happy? 

Some people think happiness means giving in to gratifications. 

But are those people really happy at the end of the day? 

They complain about being fat, about being tired, about not having talents, about the government, about the "system" and everything that's wrong with every job. 

I'm not saying that every fat person is going to fail in life and be jobless and be sad and miserable forever, but I have met enough people to know that there are essentially two types of people:

People who sit and complain about their fate, and people who actually go and change it. 

Gen Y, it is time to wake up. Just because you graduated with that certificate or bachelor's degree, don't expect to magically be given a dream job that pays you $90k per annum by working the bare minimum of 9am - 5pm and partying on weekends. 

Being happy takes conscious effort. Work hard, play hard, and then be happy because your hard work paid off. 

To be happy is to be disciplined. To do what you know will bring you real happiness: the long term rewards and self satisfaction when you achieve something you never thought you could, all because you disciplined yourself and pushed yourself beyond your limits. 

A Bitter-Sweet Turning Point

Today is my last day of work with BGC. I have been here for almost two years as a Recruitment Consultant. There have been ups and downs, and I must say, I have grown tremendously. From being a fresh graduate with unrealistic hopes of the future and childish overconfidence, this company has molded me to be mature, understand my limits, yet challenging myself to continuously push myself to the limit and believe in myself that I can achieve more than I think I can. I have learnt to be down-to- earth yet still have crazy dreams with realistic plans to achieve them. Colleagues became life-long friends, and I realized I became more attached to the company than I ever expected to be. Before I joined the organization, a job was just a job. Colleagues were just people I meet every day at work. In this company, colleagues became my second family. The company became my second home.

Thus, believe me when I say, my decision to resign hasn't been easy to make.

My farewell gifts from all my lovely colleagues. You all mean so much to me and I'm so touched by the sweet gestures. I never knew that I have played such a significant part in so many people's lives. From the bottom of my heart I would sincerely like to thank each and every one of you. I will miss you all!!!

For the past week, things have been… different. 

I started seeing things from a different light. When you’re no longer weighed down by the everyday stress of your work, work becomes more enjoyable. No longer did I reluctantly drag myself out of bed like I used to do every morning. Instead, for the past week I found myself literally almost jumping out of bed, excited to start the day, knowing that with each day I go to work, I am just that one more step closer to what I wanted to achieve. Every small task I completed seemed like a huge accomplishment, and without the mess and stress from everyday bullshit, I could properly relish in the immense self-satisfaction I gained. I realized this is something I can learn in my next job: In the midst of your busy schedule, menial tasks, and all the daily shit you face at work, never forget your achievements, and never forget to give yourself a pat on the back for every small accomplishment.  If you are able to take control of your stress and manage it well, you will be able to find work more satisfying and more enjoyable. If you focus on the things you want to achieve and believe in your ability to achieve it, you will be motivated to jump out of bed every morning, anxious to start the day.

I gave myself this one final task to complete before I leave the company: To sign a final Terms of Placement Contract with one of the largest MNC corporations in the world, to make them my client, even if it is for just one day. I wanted to be the first consultant in the company to penetrate into an industry that the company has never dealt with before. I wanted to be the one to make a breakthrough into uncharted waters. To have one more major client to add to my list of clients I had gained. Call me hao lian, but I believe that the winner doesn't shy away from claiming recognition when recognition is due.

(Unfortunately, I did not manage to receive the contract in my inbox, due to client's internal management changes. But at least I know I tried my best, and I know my colleague will take over this matter and resolve it well. The fight goes on!)

The past week has been filled with memorable milestones: The moment the client gave the green light on the quotes. The moment I completed the contract. The moment I emailed it over. The moment the client signed it (but not e-mailed to me). With every task I completed, my self-satisfaction and happiness at my job grew. I started having second thoughts about leaving the company. Why had I never felt this happy at work before? Why was I only feeling it now, when I was about to leave? Was only happy because I knew I was leaving, or was I genuinely happy at my job?

I gave it a thought further, why did I decide to resign in the first place? I couldn't remember. The self-satisfaction from being able to do what I did, to know that in the midst of my departure, I was still contributing to the company and helping the company to achieve yet another milestone to penetrate into a new industry, it was overwhelming. Why did I want to leave, if I could see my own efforts become fruitful and still able to contribute to the organization?

Ultimately, I realized, I left for career progression, greener pastures, and for a change of environment. Yes, the people were nice, but I wanted a place where I felt more valued as an employee. I wanted a organisation that had more people coming than going, not the other way round. I wanted a place where my efforts were more recognised, and remuneration was fair. To work on something bigger and to achieve something better. To work with different people and to gain experience and to expand my network. 

I realized that after all this while, recruitment is my calling. I realized it isn't only about the money. It is also about the sense of achievement and satisfaction I gain from bringing in clients, and from helping candidates in their job search. What makes me happy at work? Self-satisfaction in achieving goals I have never achieved before.

For now, I shall take a break, and when I’m back, I will be better and stronger.

Cheers and for both your support and your shortfalls, I thank you BGC, for it has molded me to become a more mature, stronger, and more confident person.   

Happiness Doesn't Always Make You Feel Happy

"I wished I could spend the entire weekend rolling around in bed." 
For the past one year, I realised I had been wasting my weekends away doing nothing productive. For the life of me, I usually could not recall how the hours just rolled by and by Sunday night, it was the miserable feeling all over again like I had achieved nothing and had nothing to look forward to, except yet another dreadful Monday.

I recently purchased a book called "What the Most Successful People Do on the Weekend" by Laura Vanderkam.

The book basically reiterated what I already knew but never bothered to put into practise: If you want your weekends to count, you need to put in the effort to make it count. Most people think that the best way to spend the weekend is to do nothing, but how many of us have experienced "doing nothing" and by Sunday night we don't feel any more rested that we felt on Friday night?

The trick, it seems, is to plan your weekend ahead. Plan a schedule, and stick to it.

I used to say "When the weekend arrives, I am not going to snooze and sleep in. I am gonna wake up early, clean my room, exercise, cook myself a good meal and finish that book I've been wanting to read". What actually happens when the weekend comes around is that I usually having none of those planned things done, and I end up alternating between being stuck on Facebook and napping, and then watching meaningless TV shows all day with pizza delivery.

In recent weeks, I have tried to be more disciplined and I think this weekend has been pretty productive so far: I went to church, went swimming at the public pool, cleaned my room, and the groceries are waiting to be cooked into a delicious meal of salmon soup pasta.

It is not easy making plans to "do nothing", and it may take some discipline sticking to it, but trust me, you'll feel much happier if you do.

"I wished I could quit my job and laze around for the rest of my life." 
Really? Would we really be happy and content lazing around doing nothing all day, while everyone else around us are progressing with their lives, achieving bigger things each day while we bum around having nothing to account for?

Take for instance, the rich socialites who got to where they were by stroke of luck (rich ex-husbands paying obscenely fat alimony checks, marrying into a rich family and never having to work for money ever again, etc). We see them on instagram all the time, bragging about their most recent luxury shopping loot, their getaways, and their lavish lifestyle. We follow them and every time they update, we think to ourselves, "I wished I was born as lucky as her."

Do you, really?

Do you really wish to be someone who got rich by not lifting a finger, whose only sole purpose of life is to live an unrealistic lavish lifestyle without previously working hard for it? If your answer to that is "yes", I'd say you're a fucking retard who has no idea what it is to live a meaningful, fulfilling, and happy life.

Why would I want to be so shallow as to waste my time following them and wishing I were them, when I am already happy with who I am?

To those who wished you could be rich and successful and happy, I say to you, you can. The journey may not be a happy one, but by putting in efforts, you can be happy with yourself for what you have achieved.

"I wished I could play the piano / paint really well / be able to speak Japanese." 
if you want to be good at something, you have to work hard at it. The process of working at it may not seem like a pleasant one, but the results are satisfying. Take for instance, playing the piano. Gruelling hours of practising at the piano may seem utterly boring and meaningless, but "if only I could play the piano, I would be so happy", that is exactly what you have to do.

I, for one, enjoy blogging and writing. I gain an immense sense of self-satisfaction, being able to pen down my thoughts coherently and publishing it for everyone else to read. I used to pride myself in possessing a flair for writing, but in recent years, my writing had slowed to a halt. The process of writing somehow started to feel tedious (especially when I have writer's block) and sometimes I'd rather be spending the time scrolling endlessly on Facebook to kill time.

I allowed myself to be undisciplined and I ended up not writing for over a year. Was I happier spending the time on Facebook and not having to actively use my intellect in writing? I was not.

I also realised, to be able to pick up the habit of writing again, I had to sit myself down and give myself a rule: Write at least once a week, over the weekend. "No time"? Make time.

Happiness Doesn't Always Make You Feel Happy
So, there you go. Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy, but with a little bit of effort and discipline, we all can make our lives happier and more meaningful.

Cheers, and have a good Sunday evening ahead. =)